Overcooked Veggies Lack Proper Nutrition

Nothing illustrates the theological ineptness of modern evangelicalism more than the immense popularity of Veggie Tales. (OK, I admit that my daughter has a few). Whether or not the moral lessons that can be gleaned from these shows are worthy of a child's time is for each parent to decide. My real objection is having these tales shown in church during Corporate Worship. If there was ever a recipe for raising a future generation of Christians who hate hearing expository preaching, these videos are it.

Of course, when I make my objections public, I'm viewed as a stodgy puritan who needs to lighten up a little bit. After all, Veggie Tales are "cute", and we need to "teach children about God on their level". Whether they are cute or not is an aesthetic argument (personally, I think they are stupid). But I have to ask the question concerning the second argument. What exactly do we learn about God through Veggie tales?

Well, they do teach some moral lessons. Don't tell fibs, don't be mean, don't make fun of funny looking kids, etc. But these aren't necessarily Christian values, as other religions, and even atheists, teach their kids the same thing. They do learn that God is bigger than the boogie man. Sadly, that is probably the best lesson about God that they will learn. Other lessons that are learned include:

• Pirates don't do anything
• Aunt Ruth has a beard
• Larry loves his lips
• Tom can't find his hairbrush

Just some of the goodies, that, while not inherently bad, are certainly a waste of precious time in teaching during Sabbath worship. But there are some lessons that are enormously bad, to say the least. Consider the mangled story of David and Bathsheba recast as King George and the Ducky.

"Bob is back! After being suspiciously absent from the last three Veggie Tales videos, Bob the Tomato is back with his loony sidekick, Larry the Cucumber. First, Jerry and Jimmy Gourd take their turn in creating a tale of selfishness, titled "The Englishman Who Went Up the Hill (And Came Down with All the Bananas)." Lucky, Bob, and Larry take over with their tale of King George (Larry) and his affinity for rubber duckies. When the greedy king spies a new ducky in a boy's (played by Jr. Asparagus) tub, he goes ballistic, sending the child to the front lines of the Great Pie War. Of course, there is a silver lining in this Christian-lite animated series, and King George sees the error of his ways."

“Christian-lite” is too kind to this type of nonsense. Is this really the way we want to teach our kids about the Bible? What has the adultery and murder by King David have to do with rubber duckies? Perhaps we may not want to teach our younger children all of the gory details of the real story until they get a bit older, but if we teach them anything, it should be the real story.

Another fine illustration of the way Veggie Tales makes fun of sin can be found in the latest Jonah movie, where "Jonah... receives messages from the Lord and delivers them to the Israelites. He is popular among the people and rather enjoys his role. One day, God asks him to deliver a message to Nineveh, a rough and dangerous city in Assyria where people slap each other with fishes."

Downgrading the wickedness (Jonah 1:2) of Nineveh to the level of people slapping each other with fishes may invoke some laughter from children, but it certainly doesn't teach them anything about Christianity. If there was ever a recipe for growing an Emergent Postmodern Church, this is it. If we, as Christians, want to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Deuteronomy 4:10), we need to teach them to take sin as seriously as God does.

Perhaps the biggest problem with the so-called "Christianity" in Veggie Tales is that there is no Christ. In fact, Christ is rarely mentioned in any Veggie Tales movie except when necessary, such as in the Christmas story. But removing the atoning work of Christ from the center of such teachings leads to vain moralism. Consider Larry Boy and the Fib from Outer Space, where Junior Asparagus accidentally breaks his father's favorite plate, and begins lie in order to avoid punishment. In the words of one reviewer, "it teaches youngsters a valuable lesson about telling the truth both in its wholesome story and in the larger metaphor that first you control the lie but in time the lie controls you." I'm not sure what such a metaphor has to do with Christianity, but what the video actually teaches is that 1.) Lying can cause you a lot of problems, and 2.) Telling the truth will make everything better, both of which are blatantly false. Lying can help a person avoid all kinds of trouble. (I know, I've done it). Likewise, telling the truth can also cause you lots of problems. (In fact, I'm prepared for all kinds of fallout from the truth of this post.) What isn't taught in this moralist video is that lying is a serious sin against God, and all liars will have their place in the lake of fire (Revelation 21:8).

But the worst lesson of all in this video is the idea that we can atone for our own sins. As the giant "fib" grows bigger and out of control, the bumbling superhero Larry Boy is called on to battle with the fib. Unfortunately, he finds out that there is nothing he can do to win the day, but Junior Asparagus can do something. All he has to do is tell the truth, and the lie will go away.

What a horrible lesson. Telling the truth does NOT make the lie go away. Only the blood of Christ can make the lie go away, and that is a truth that simply does not appear in Veggie Tales videos. The video ends with a gross misuse of (John 8:32) "the truth will set you free", a passage that has absolutely nothing to do with "telling the truth".

The Veggie Tales videos are a classic example of what Michael Horton refers to as Christless Christianity. The absence of Christian teaching in Veggie Tales can be further illustrated by the following question. What if you were to show your favorite Veggie Tales video in a Mormon Church? Would they have a problem with the content? Apparently not.

If there is any sort of Christian message in Veggie Tales at all, it is so mangled that it isn't even recognizable to a cultist. Regarding the idea of teaching children on their level, I'd say scrap the Veggie Tales, pull out the Bible and Westminster Catechisms, and give your children some meat. Our children can understand much more than we give them credit for.