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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Modern Church Lexicon

I have been building this list slowly for a few weeks now. Feel free to add more...

Christmas – A holiday that is so important to families that, if it falls on Sunday, we should cancel church services.

Church – A community of people whose sole purpose to meet each others felt needs.

Communion – A meal that you can take by yourself that heals you.

Doctrine – An unimportant part of Christianity that should be avoided because it causes division and denominations.

Evangelism – Methods that are used to get people to an altar to repeat a prayer. Success depends on finding out what unchurched sinners really want in a church.

Faith – Something that man obtains by his own virtuous resources. If you have enough of it, you can make God do anything.

God – A powerful Being who loves everyone just the way they are, and has a wonderful plan for their life. He was mean and wrathful in the Old Testament, but got wiser and mellowed after His Son was killed.

Guilt – A harmful feeling that people need to overcome. The church should help.

Holy Spirit – Something that you should try to get after you get saved. Some denominations are totally filled with it, while others only have a little bit.

Jesus – A Divine person (or mode) that died in order to show us the way of salvation. Through his death, we can have better relationships, better sex, more money, and an all around better self image.

Legalism – Any Commandment in the Bible that we don’t want to obey.

Man – All important being who was created so that God would no longer be lonely.

Money – The root of all evil. Send it all to a televangelist before it destroys you.

Pharisees – Jesus chastised them because they obeyed the Law.

Prayer – Placing a demand on one’s heart so that God is obliged to meet it.

Preaching – An optional part of worship that sometimes gets in the way of what the Holy Spirit really wants to do.

Sin – A bad habit that is caused by past hurts, poor emotional health, and low self-esteem. Behavior modification methods and therapy can help.

Worship – Something we do in church that helps us draw close to God. Choose the style that best suits you.

Friday, October 12, 2007

How to have fun with a KJV Only Advocate

Which translation is more accurate?

Numbers 11:12

"Have I conceived all this people? have I begotten them, that thou shouldest say unto me, Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child, unto the land which thou swarest unto their fathers?" (Numbers 11:12 KJV)

"Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, 'Carry them in your bosom, as a nurse carries a nursing child,' to the land that you swore to give their fathers?" (Numbers 11:12 ESV)


Numbers 23:22

"God brought them out of Egypt; he hath as it were the strength of an unicorn." (Numbers 23:22 KJV)

"God brings them out of Egypt and is for them like the horns of the wild ox." (Numbers 23:22 ESV)

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Why must there be a hell?

by Thomas Watson

"The wicked shall be turned into hell." Psalm 9:17

"How can you escape the damnation of hell?" Matthew 23:33


God has built hell built on purpose, for the damned to lie in. See the dreadfulness of that place! Hell is the epitome of misery! Besides "the punishment of loss," which is the exclusion of the soul from the gloried sight of God, which some think is the worst part of hell--there will be "the punishment of sense."

In hell there will be a plurality of torments:

There will be the "chains of darkness." 2 Peter 2:4.

There will be the "never-dying worm." Mark 9:48. This is the worm of conscience.

There will be the "lake of fire." Revelation 20:15. Other fire is but 'painted fire'--compared to this.

This house of hell is haunted with devils! Matt 25:41. Anselm says, "I had rather endure all torments, than see the devil with bodily eyes." Such as go to hell, must not only be forced to behold the devil--but must be shut up with this lion in his den! They must keep the devil company! This red dragon is full of spite--and will spit fire in men's faces!

The torments of hell abide forever! "The smoke of their torment ascends up forever and ever." Rev. 14:2. Time cannot finish hell. Tears cannot quench hell. Mark 9:44. The wicked will always live in the fire of hell--but never be consumed. After they have lain millions of years in hell, their punishment is as far from ending, as it was at the beginning! If all the earth and sea were sand, and every thousandth year a bird should come, and take away one grain--it would be a long time before that vast heap would be removed! Yet, if after all that time the damned might come out of hell--there would be some hope; but this word FOREVER breaks the heart!

If anyone should ask, where is hell? I wish he may never know experimentally. "Let us not so much," says Chrysostom, "labor to know where hell is--as how to escape it."

Why must there be a hell? Because there must be a place for the execution of divine justice. Earthly monarchs have their prison for criminals--and shall not God have his? Sinners are criminals, they have offended God. It would not be consistent with His holiness and justice--to have His laws infringed, and not inflict penalties.

How does it seem to comport with God's justice--to punish a sin committed in a moment--with eternal torment?

1. Because there is an eternity of sin in man's nature. They will continue to sin in hell. "Men gnawed their tongues in agony and cursed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, but they refused to repent of what they had done." Revelation 16:10-11

2. Because sin is "committed against an infinite majesty," and therefore the sin itself is infinite, and proportionally the punishment must be infinite.

3. Because a finite creature cannot satisfy infinite wrath, he must be eternally paying what he can never pay.

"Jesus, who rescues us from the coming wrath!" 1 Thess 1:10

What infinite cause have they to bless God--who are delivered from hell! Jesus Christ suffered the torments of hell in His soul--that believers should not suffer them. Oh, how should we bless God to be preserved from the wrath to come!

It may cause more thankfulness in us, to realize that most people go to hell when they die. To be of the number of those few who are delivered from hell--is matter of infinite thankfulness. "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14

"Divide the world," says one, "into thirty-one parts, nineteen parts of it are Jews and Turks, and seven parts are heathen; so that there are but five parts of professing Christians--and among these, so many deceived Papists on the one hand, and so many formal Protestants on the other--that we may conclude that the major part of the world goes to hell.

Scripture compares the wicked to "the mire in the streets." Isaiah 10:6. Few precious jewels are in the street--but you cannot go a step without meeting with mire! The wicked are as common as the dirt in the street! The devil has most of the harvest--and God has only a few gleanings. Oh, then, such as are delivered from hell, have infinite cause to admire and bless God. How should the vessels of mercy run over with thankfulness! When most others are carried as prisoners to hell--they are delivered from the wrath to come!

How shall I know if I am delivered from hell?

(1) Those whom Christ saves from hell--He saves from sin. "He shall save His people from their sins." Matthew 1:21. Has God delivered you from the power of corruption, from pride, malice, and lust? If He has delivered you from the hell of sin, He has delivered you from the hell of torment.

(2) If you prize, trust and love Christ--you are delivered from hell and damnation. "There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1. If you are in Christ, He has put the garment of His righteousness over you--and hell-fire can never singe it!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Death A Blessing To Godly Men

From Solitude Sweetened by James Meikle - 1730-1799

Why so much complaint of death? It is true, death is the fruit of sin, for by sin, death came into the world. But it is also true, that death is the finisher of sin to the godly—for by death sin shall be cast out forever. Sin, conveyed to us in our conception, is so interwoven with the human frame, that the tie must be dissolved between the soul and body, before a full and final separation can take place between the soul and sin. Who then, would fear the furnace, which is only to consume the dross, that the gold may come forth without alloy? What candidate for heaven would be averse to lay down mortality—in order to take up immortality; to put off this corruptible body—in order to put on incorruption? to have his body sown in dishonor—in order to be raised in honor and glory; and to have the soul dislodged from his body—that sin might be dislodged from his soul?

Why, then, should I be displeased at such a glorious exchange? To lay down frail flesh, feeble nature, all my lusts and passions, all my occasions and temptations to sin, all my infirmities and imperfections—and to be clothed with perfect beauty and eternal glory—should rather transport than perplex me. Why tremble at the ghastly gloom, that shall beam into a boundless noon; or startle at the dark step that shall usher me into eternal day? If my separation for a few years from my friends, issues in uninterrupted communion with God, is not the change most happy? If my distant views, and dim glances of the land afar off, and the King in his beauty, pass away—that the nearest approaches, most steady views, and brightest visions, may eternally take place—am not I a gainer to the highest degree?

Then, Lord, take away the sting of death, and at your appointed time, through faith, I shall fly into death's arms, not dismayed at his cold embrace—but burning with a heavenly desire to be forever with the Lord—which is far better than all the happiness of crowns and thrones below.